Twas the day before Christmas - 2015
and I’m sitting at work.
Dropped the kids off at Me-Me’s
because Kor was being a jerk.
I do love my daughter
please don’t think me so vile.
But she woke up at 5:30
To watch TV for a while.
She sat with her mother
on the couch down the stair
I found them when I woke
And there was cookie in her hair
Mom went to bed
It was daddy’s turn now
Kor was having none of it
She started screaming, and how!
I grabbed her some juice
And I grabbed her a snack
But she fell to the floor sobbing
She just wanted mom back
After about a minute of this
I contemplated heavy drinking
But It’s only 6:30…
What the Hell am I thinking?
I was at the end of my rope
When she stopped making faces
She fell asleep on the couch
Then the Glump traded her places
I went to the kitchen
Where the coffee brewed
The Glump on my heels
Was awake and renewed
"Hey Dad” He started
With a smile on his face
“I want a cookie”
And then he went to that place
“No cookies for breakfast”
I sternly tried to convey
“Go F*Ck yourself”
My 3-year-old’s eyes seem to say
He climbed up the counter
Like a wee-tiny mountaineer
Grabbing cookies and snacks
While showing no fear
I heard him tear through the toy room
Cookies and toys in his wake
I wanted some coffee
As my hands started to shake
But just at that time
I heard a faint crash
Mom appeared in the door
And dressed the kids in a flash
Holy shit! I exclaimed
as she brushed teeth and hair
She was moving so fast
It was like she was not even there!
A quick, single kiss
and a pat on the head
She was off to work
And I had nothing to dread
I loaded the Jeep
with the kids, toys, and Me
"We’re off to grandma’s!!”
“But I’ve got to pee!”
… crap.
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