Twas The Night Before Christmas - 2019

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - 2019

Twas the day before Christmas and I am wearing a smirk,
The last present has been wrapped so I don't feel like a jerk!
The kids and some bourbon were dropped off to my mom
Along with homemade sausage - which is the bomb.

This year has been trying, not the usual happy ole time
And I'm having trouble coming up with happy things to rhyme
But that's not really true, for I have AJ, Bug, and The Glump
They're the center of my world, and they keep me out of the holiday slump

We laugh and we dance, we watch corny shows
A right jolly nerd family, we can laugh at our woes.
The Glump is just silly, a carefree soul who farts
And Bug is independent and a fair hand at Fine Arts

They play and they draw, they laugh and they cry
When I ever question my life - I think, "They are certainly why."
For money is tight, and the world seems to suck
But be with your family... and just don't give a fuck.

We got to MeMe and Papaw's and played with the pups
That is at least until they start chewing things up!
I, of course, mean the dogs in this Christmas fable.
But knowing the Glump, that's still on the table...

Stop, Ziva! Stop, Gibbs!
Don't eat that, Little Bug!
Why is your brother hiding under a rug?
To the top of the stairs, go play and stop fighting!
Wait, shit! Come back!
Santa's gifts are up there in hiding!

They're like little hurricanes, the kids and the pups
They're too fast for me... I might just give up.
Can we just eat? Oh god I need food.
This fat guy needs to get in his holiday mood!

I'm not always happy, but that's part of life
I'd probably be depressed if it wasn't for my wife
She is the shining star around which I fly
Writing books and dealing with the kids when they cry

We're a matched pair, the author AJ and I
She makes you laugh, and I make you cry!
We write and we parent and we try to live a good life
This frumpy fat man, and his smokin' hottie of a wife.

So Merry Christmas to you, from me and my fam...
And if you drink enough bourbon - you stop giving a damn!

Have fun. Be happy! Make someone's day bright!
A Merry Christmas to all... and to all a goodnight.

Did You Just Drop The F-Bomb?

FUCK!

There, I've said it. Glad we could get that out of the way.

I'm here today to talk about the important use of "language." And, no, I don't mean grammar and punctuation. I mean "naughty words"... you know... shit, fuck, damn, ass, and so on.

As some of my readers may know - I was in the military. And, having been in the military, I have a close, personal relationship with swearing. It's part of the culture. Hell, it's been part of my life since the, what? 8th grade? Probably earlier. And having this as part of my life - I have incorporated into my lexicon both orally and on the page. I don't see the problem with it. Everyone I know swears... except my in-laws. I don't think I've ever heard either of them say anything more harsh than a possible damnit.

Being a fluent swearer, I wrote my characters and their dialogue in a way that reflects my own speech patterns and colorful adjectives. Sorry, but sometimes "oh, dang it!" just doesn't cut it. These words have grown, changed, and worked their way into out vocabulary throughout history. It is my opinion that there IS a reason for this... sometimes our brains just need a release valve for emotional turmoil or stress. Swearing is that valve for many of us. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit in the Kroger deli and ask for some fucking turkey or damn cheese. I know when and where to swear... and, I'm sorry to say, it doesn't bother me if you don't like these words.

That's it. That's the ticket. I did not write this book for you. I wrote this for me. In doing so - I went with the most accurate and realistic portrayal of people in this situation that I could. And that includes some F-Bombs. 127 of them to be more precise. I also use shit, damn, asshole, bitch, dick, and a few others. Why? Because when people are upset, angry, and walking the fine line between drinking themselves to death and thinking about suicide - they tend to be a little less polite in their daily word-choice.

I'm not one of those people who thinks that using swear words is somehow a reflection of said person's lack of intelligence or low-brow thinking. Generally speaking, I find a book without those words to be lacking or fake - depending on the age group of the book. I don't expect my son's (he's 7) books to be littered with swears. Nor his favorite cartoons. But I do feel that a book about strong emotional trauma that excludes any kind of harsh, directed language to be... insincere. Few people I know when met with life altering news would respond with, "shucks, that sounds bad." Most would probably opt for the "are you fucking kidding me?" response.

So - when you comment on my book's language... I just don't care. I mean, I do care because I'm not a raging asshole. But not enough to make a revised, edited version for the sake of your high moral standards.

I hope you will understand this. As a reader, I would hope that you've seen many books with this questionable language and, being a good reader, understand that words are just words. And we all use them for our own ends. In the case of my writing - I want it to sound like it came from me... and I say fuck a lot.

From our family to yours!

Today is December 4th. I know we're still 3 weeks away from Christmas, but I wanted to take a minute to say thank you all for your support and to offer up a simple "Merry Christmas" from me and my family to you and yours.

Things are about to get very busy on my end, so I don't know if, or when, I'll be getting over here to my blog. So I am taking the moment to wish each and every one you a very wonderful, very peaceful and stress-free holiday!